saturday the 14th

[leftwithmybones]

He's not sure what it is that convinces him, but midway through the month, McCoy wakes up with Jim at his side breathing heavily and he thinks to himself: What the hell am I doing running around like a stressed idiot? It's the thought in mind as he takes hold of a towel, a bag with food, sunscreen, and other paraphernalia, and heads down to the little stretch of beach that's only a ten minute walk from their home. Sometimes, he forgets how nice it is to enjoy the small things. It's what he's doing now, lying on his back with sunglasses blocking out the UV rays.

So maybe Jim still doesn't remember and maybe he's got a full battery of patients and amnesia cases in his friends to worry about. All that will still be there in an hour. Right now? Right now, he just wants to relax.

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[leftwithmybones]

Over the rims of the sunglasses, McCoy manages a soft smile for Jim, the fond one that never really went anywhere even when Jim couldn't remember a single thing about himself. Some things, he's terrible at hiding. "Hey," he says, stretching out his toes and rolling his ankles as he pillows his head with his hands. "You came down for a swim?"

[chasedthestars]

Jim shakes his head, and it's strange, as much as he wants to jump Bones pretty much - well, always, he thinks he might be just as content to look at him. "Came down for you," he answers, dropping down on an elbow until he can trace Bones' jawline with his fingertips.

"I remember. All of it. We were fighting the night before I lost my memories. Because of Bucky Barnes."

[leftwithmybones]

That's a beautiful thing to hear, even if McCoy doesn't really want to spend too much time thinking about said fight or said patient or anything to do with work or the amnesia. There's sheer relief and delight as he stares at Jim like he's the most beautiful thing in the world, shaking his head as he reaches out to brush his fingers against his cheek. "C'mere," he says roughly, sitting up enough to steal a kiss.

[chasedthestars]

Jim goes, one hand on either side of Bones now to meet him for the kiss, a groan caught low in his throat that's more relief than lust. "Fuck," he breathes, dragging a hand through Bones' wet hair, "I missed you. Wanted you the whole time without really knowing why, and it's been weeks." Jim draws a breath, kisses and babbles again. "I'm so sorry, Bones, I said I wouldn't leave and I did."

[leftwithmybones]

"You didn't go anywhere, kid," McCoy murmurs, seeing as it's the god's honest truth and he's not about to blame Jim for what the island did in a fit of immature pique. "You mad at me for holding back?" he checks, because he hadn't been sure about that, it'd been torture if nothing else.

[chasedthestars]

"No," says Jim, laughing against his mouth, and it's odd to think that yesterday, he couldn't have born joking about this, "But I think my dick is. It's not easy sharing a house with a handsome stranger you're not allowed to touch."

[leftwithmybones]

He's grinning like an idiot, the way he hasn't since probably his wedding night and he reaches down between them to give little Jim a considerate stroke, appraising the condition passively, like he could take or leave it. "I don't know, he doesn't seem too happy to see me."

[chasedthestars]

Jim hums, and if he wasn't getting hard before, he sure as hell is now with Bones' hand on him. "Was trying to have a touching moment," Jim says, as instantly breathless as only Bones or a Starship could make him, "You know, talk about feelings and crap."

[leftwithmybones]

That's what McCoy's trying to actively avoid, but Jim's got a damn point. One last flick of his fingers, but then he eases off, lying back on his towel as he looks at Jim through his sunglasses. "We really have to do that now, huh?" he murmurs, but he knows they should, knows they ought to.

[chasedthestars]

Jim crawls down with him, pulling the glasses from his face so he can see his eyes. "Don't we?" he asks with a crooked smile. "This is kind of my first relationship with actual feelings, you're the expert here. Don't we need to talk about...everything?"

[leftwithmybones]

"You're looking at me like I know this, but the last time I was in a serious honest-to-god relationship, I wound up kicked off the goddamn planet in the divorce," McCoy feels compelled to point out, but he leans into the touch and lets Jim push the glasses away, sighing softly as he braces himself for a talk of this magnitude -- while sober, no less.

"We should talk," he agrees. "Where do you want to start?"

[chasedthestars]

"Gosh, where to start?" says Jim, rolling onto his back next to Bones to stare at the canopy of leaves overhead. He pushes a hand through his hair and sighs. "How about my dear departed husband? Were you ever going to tell me about that?"

[leftwithmybones]

Yeah. He knew that'd been coming, even if he wished that he could ignore it pretty much for the rest of his life. "Honestly? I didn't want to. Figured you'd find out eventually, especially now that you're on the Council. What do you want me to say about it? I was your best man at the wedding, you were happy."

[chasedthestars]

"Best man," Jim murmurs, closing his eyes against a wondering laugh. "I can't even...I can't see that. I can't see getting married in the first place, and I can't see - "

Jim stops short of saying I can't see me marrying anyone but you, but the silence likely says it for him. "Feels wrong. You being there, as the best man."

[leftwithmybones]

"Well, thanks for implying I'm not good enough to stand by you," he says wryly, even if he knows what Jim's actually saying. He leans over and smacks the back of his head for good measure. "I want you to shut the fuck up about you can't see and not seeing. You want to say the same thing about me and my last girlfriend just because she's not here? How do you think I'd feel if a new her showed up and acted like that much of an asshole about me, huh? Manner," he growls.

[chasedthestars]

"That's not the same thing," Jim growls back, sitting up again with an angry huff. "She's not here, and neither is he, and I don't even know this guy, Bones. What do you want me to do? Wish he was still here? Pine for him? I mean does it feel right to you, now that we're together, me standing up on my wedding day and you're only my best man?"

[leftwithmybones]

If they're being honest, it makes McCoy feel like he's had a parasite invade and turn his insides into a breeding ground for a tumultuous storm, the likes of which even his best stuff can't cure. "Honestly, Jim? It feels like hell, but the truth is that I would do anything in the world if it meant you're happy."

After everything that Jim's been through, there's no other option, as far as he's concerned. "You're my number one priority."

[chasedthestars]

"Well, we're mine," says Jim, "And. Okay, getting us back to the Enterprise, but right now, us. Not me, or you, us. And me marrying some other guy feels wrong." Jim looks over his shoulder at him. "It should feel like hell. I don't think that's disrespectful to some guy I never met, I think about it and it feels like hell."

[leftwithmybones]

"I'm not going to tell you how you ought to feel," McCoy concedes that much, biting his tongue about them getting back to the Enterprise because he likes it on the island. Crazy instances barred, he likes the solid ground and the fact that he can practice medicine and do his research in peace. Hell, if he thinks about the vanishings like he does about death, it's not all that different from regular walks of life.

He sighs and reclines back onto the towel, peering over at Jim. "Guess there was a part of me that was just grateful you'd matured enough to settle down."

[chasedthestars]

"God, yeah, that's..." Jim drops back onto the towel again. "Kind of mindblowing. And it's not like I'm not curious about the guy who actually got me down the aisle. And I do wonder what it'd be like to settle down, but. You know, after a few tours of duty. That's what my life is supposed to be, I know it is. And you're supposed to be with me."

[leftwithmybones]

"You want to know what I figured would happen? We'd be on some distant speck of rock," he drawled. "You and the rest of some away team and you'd end up stupidly charmed by some alien species or their science or something. I figured one day, you'd come back from a mission with a new Kirk in the family," he drawls teasingly, given that he knows it's not really going to happen, but it'd been in the back of his mind for a while. "And maybe the tours of duty for you. I'd have been happy to just survive the one."

[chasedthestars]

"You wouldn't leave me alone up there," says Jim, head turning against the towel. "I'd be a mess and you know it, and god." Jim elbows him lightly. "I'm not that fickle. Charmed is one thing, coming back with a spouse is another."

[leftwithmybones]

"I've got a pact with myself," McCoy says, flinching at the elbow. "Ten panic attacks and I'm done." Which is a lie, honestly, because he'd stay with Jim until the very end or until the day that Jim tells him his services as CMO are no longer needed. "And hell, I didn't say weird alien drugs weren't involved. We've already seen enough of those, haven't we?"

[chasedthestars]

Jim nods, rolling closer to him. "Feel like they followed us here. Emptying my head out like that. What if I'd been with someone else, huh?" he asks, knocking their shoulders together. "Somebody who didn't take care of me the way you do."

[leftwithmybones]

"Jim, your crew loves you. If anyone from the Enterprise was here, they'd take care of you," he says, assured of that much. After all, there's not exactly a lack of love going around on the ship and Jim deserves that much. "Besides, it's my duty to protect you, CMO and boyfriend. It's like I've got double the responsibility now."