leftwithmybones | saturday the 14th

saturday the 14th

He's not sure what it is that convinces him, but midway through the month, McCoy wakes up with Jim at his side breathing heavily and he thinks to himself: What the hell am I doing running around like a stressed idiot? It's the thought in mind as he takes hold of a towel, a bag with food, sunscreen, and other paraphernalia, and heads down to the little stretch of beach that's only a ten minute walk from their home. Sometimes, he forgets how nice it is to enjoy the small things. It's what he's doing now, lying on his back with sunglasses blocking out the UV rays.

So maybe Jim still doesn't remember and maybe he's got a full battery of patients and amnesia cases in his friends to worry about. All that will still be there in an hour. Right now? Right now, he just wants to relax.

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"You kidding?" Jim asks, dragging his nose along Bones' cheek as he works his way down Jim's neck. "Those pretty fingers? Give me three." They are pretty, of course, in that unique way that appeals to Jim. Broad, strong, every fingertip calloused, as articulate as they are powerful - they're a doctor's hands, and three fingers might be a lot at once, but Jim knows no other way. "C'mon."

He's not so sure that he'd call them pretty. They're rough, especially for all the work he's been doing lately. In case, just in case, he adds more lube and slides his fingers down the line of Jim's spine, trailing soft and slow into the curve of his ass, rubbing slow circles around the hole before he presses the cheeks apart and eases one, then two in.

The third doesn't go in, not just yet. "Tell me you really want this," he says, and McCoy's not entirely sure he's only talking about the sex.

Jim buries a short, wide-eyed expression against Bones' throat, kisses, open-mouthed at the skin there and nods. It's different when it's Bones' fingers inside of him, and Jim wonders a little at himself, how recklessly he's prepped other people when it could have been this fucking personal.

"I do," he says, pulling back, pupils blown as he gives an experimental rock against the fingers breaching him. He feels full, too much so and not enough, there's a pleasure beyond the burn of it and Jim wants more. "I really do, Bones, all of it, give it to me."

Gently, that third slips in and pushes into Jim with the rest. McCoy's wary of the stretch, not wanting to go so far that it tears, but he eases his fingers out just enough to give a moment of respite before it's all the way in again, settling there while he tips Jim's head towards him and kisses him, open-mouthed and open-hearted, everything on display on the expression on his face -- how much he loves him, how much he wants this, how scared he is that he gets this.

Everything.

Jim groans into the kiss, feels swallowed up, awash in so much - Bones is everywhere in the best way, his mouth, his ass, curled around his body, and Jim is surprised to see how wrecked Bones looks when he pulls back to breathe, like it's Jim that's crawled up inside of him and not the other way around.

"We're okay," he says, curling the hand not sticky with lube around Bones' neck to rest their foreheads together. "We're good, we're gonna stay good, we're - Bones." Jim's brain short circuits as those fingers crook deep, brushing a spot that lights up the backs of his eyes. Fucking prostate, Jim wants to wage wars for it, write sings and poems to it, wants to keep Bones' fingers right there forever, but he knows his dick will be even better. "Jesus."

There's a crooked sort of delighted smile that comes from that exclamation and McCoy's never felt so good as he does in this moment where he's making Jim feel this good. "Yeah?" he breathlessly murmurs, slipping his fingers a third of the way out before tortuously sliding them back all the way in. "How about," he murmurs, wrapping his free hand around his own dick, "You tell me how fast and how hard and how much you want."

"Still - " Jim pants, "Still all of it, everything you can, god, give me, Bones." He doesn't remember closing his eyes, but when he opens them again Bones is smirking at him, and goddamn if it's not a good look on him. Jim loves that look, that self-satisfied gloat that ought to be obnoxious but is instead sexy as hell, and he kisses Bones' mouth at the corners, tries to drink it in.

"I really think you should fuck me now, I'm ready, I'm - " Bones pushes those three fingers into him, and Jim sees stars, could almost come, but not without all of Bones. "So ready, want you so much."

Those words, fuck, those words practically undo him, make him think he's reckless and powerful and everything. Fumbling, McCoy reaches for the condoms, wishing they'd run tests, but things have been too damn busy for the last little while. As it stands, it's slowly reaching number one on his to-do list.

"Hold on," he berates, when Jim's impatience runs reckless and all McCoy wants to do is lean down and nip at Jim's lower lip, indulge in a slow and perfect kiss where he gets to have this instead of denying it of himself because Jim can't remember.

Jim barely hears him for the roar in his ears, anticipation washing over him in waves that leave him dizzy, all the moreso when he looks down at Bones' dick. He loves Bones' dick, has spent many hours with it in his mouth or hands or sliding alongside his own, but he's never had it inside of him, and Jim reaches, helping Bones to roll down the condom with shaking hands.

"How do you want me?" he asks, voice a hell of a lot steadier than he feels. "On my back? Or hands and knees?" Leaning in, Jim presses a kiss to the base of Bones' throat, drags his nose along his neck until he can speak right in his ear. "Dealer's choice."

He doesn't know. There's so many options and he's practically going insane trying to figure out which he wants to try first. "Shit," he gasps, that kiss frying all of his brain circuitry to the point that he doesn't know what the hell they're doing anymore. "Back. Back, I want to fucking see your face for this, darling."

"Yeah," Jim agrees breathlessly, "I want to see you, too." He flops down on his back, but Jim can't stand to be away for Bones long enough to even lift his legs, pulling Bones down on top of him to lick his way into his mouth.

"Been a while since I've had my ankles up by my ears," he says when he can bear to pull back, smile huge and nervous, but Jim's never trusted anyone more. "Good thing our sex life keeps me limber, huh?"

McCoy laughs, the feeling awkward and trapped in his chest as the tips of his ears flush red at the compliment that he just didn't expect to get. "I do what I can," he says, even if he thinks they've been pretty cut and dry with their sex so far. He shivers, goosebumps on his arms, and he knows that he wants more out of Jim, but he doesn't want to push.

Still, there's a little pushing to be done. He shoves him down onto the bed, parting his thighs forcibly and leaning down to press slow kisses up the inside of Jim's thigh, nipping enough to leave a small mark.

Jim stays where he's been put, and somehow, even after having Bones' fingers inside of him, it's startling to feel him tug his thighs apart, heat sparking from that little nip all the way up Jim's spine.

"Bones," he murmurs, face a mix of concentration and lust as he lifts his head and tries to watch, lips quirking with a tease he hardly feels, he just needs to prove he's not all the way undone, not yet. "Unless your dick's gotten longer, m'pretty sure you can't fuck me from all the way down there."

"What'd I tell you about foreplay," he grumbles and growls, but there's a great deal of fondness in his tone as he slides his way back up so he can nudge his lips to Jim's neck, kissing him gently against the curve of his jaw. "You don't want me to give you a little more attention? It's like you went away for a while. I owe you some tenderness."

Jim grins at the ceiling, and then at Bones when he lifts his head. "Hey," he says, and he should be rebelling at the idea. Mere months ago, Jim Kirk cared nothing for tenderness, but he's not the same man, and right now he wants exactly what Bones wants to give him.

"Whatever you want, okay?" he says, tangling their legs. "They're gonna take my sex card away, but even kissing you feels amazing right now. So go as slow as you wanna, hell." His grin widens. "It'll be another first for me."

McCoy rewards the words with a kiss, given that Jim's being good and willing to go a little slower, brushing slow kisses over Jim's lips, toying and teasing and softly pressing to the upper lip before he drifts back, grasping Jim's heel and sliding the foot all the way up to his shoulder, doing the same with the other and giving Jim a careful look. "Y'okay?"

Jim shifts, testing the stretch to his limbs. Suddenly bent in two, he doesn't feel quite natural, but he's happy where he is, toes wriggling near Bones' ears. He has to say, Bones looks gorgeous hovering over him, eyes huge and arms rounded with the effort of holding himself up.

"Feel like a baby on a changing table," he says, leaning up to kiss him, "but I bet you're about to distract me, huh?"

McCoy gives Jim a disbelieving scoff, not sure that he thinks this is super sexy when Jim's spouting crap like that. He slides his fingers over Jim's hole, verifying that yeah, he's lubed, he's ready. He takes a deep breath, giving Jim a sharply worried look. "You know I haven't done this before, right?" he murmurs breathlessly.

Jim can't help himself, huffing out a laugh into the space between them. "I'd forgotten, Bones. Jesus. How the hell did we, after everything, still end up a pair of virgins?"

Curling a palm against Bones' cheek, Jim promises, "We'll figure it out, okay? We've both done it the other way around." His head flops back against the pillow. "And we're geniuses. So c'mon." He shifts his hips, trying to catch against Bones' dick. "Do it, Bones."

He's laughing too, but god he's nervous. He doesn't think he's been this nervous since he was an eighteen year old kid already about to finish his internship and god, but he wants this more than he's wanted anything else, which humbles him because it seems so simple. "Shit," he chokes, shifting and taking a deep breath, hand on his dick to help.

"You just tell me what's good," he murmurs. "You guide me, Captain."

"What do you want, permission to board?" Jim asks, but his smile is soft, nerves forgotten in the face of Bones' own. "Here," he says, bending until he can put his hand alongside Bones' on his cock, helping it towards where he hopes to god he's stretched enough, because Bones feels enormous in his grasp. "Here," he says, when they have Bones' dick snug against his hole. "Slow. I want to see your face."

"Yeah," he gasps, practically tortured already from the slow pace of it. "Yeah. Slow." He shifts, pushing in enough that he's got just the tip inside, wanting to take this good and slow and all of a sudden, it's like he wants to collapse down -- surrounded by heat and the knowledge that there's only going to be more.

God, he loves Jim, and god, he's happy they're doing this, but McCoy has no idea how long he's going to make it.

"Slow," Jim confirms, but it comes out half-strangled as Bones begins to sink into him. It's so much, even with all that prep it's so much, and Jim doesn't think he can give another inch until he's doing it, and another, and then another. "Fuck," he grunts, because it hurts, but nothing good ever came without a little pain, and Bones' looks damn near enough blissed out for the both of them.

"Tell me," Jim groans, finding that he needs to hear it, to chase Bones' pleasure to find his own. "Tell me how I feel, Bones. I'm tight, huh? I oughta be, you're the first one to ever fuck me."

McCoy's quivering just trying to keep himself from pushing too far in at once, but he's lost all ability to really and truly think. Hell, he doesn't know what to do, but he knows that there's more heat, more tightness, more everything if he just pushes a little deeper and he wants. God, he wants. "Jim," he moans. "You're tight. You're so damn tight." He's always done this the other way around, always been bent over, ready for the other way around.

"God," he gets out, a broken hitch of a sound. "Darling, you okay?"

Jim nods, pressing more smear of lips than a kiss against Bones' jaw. "Just a lot," he says, even as he reaches, grabbing Bones' ass with both hands to pull him all the way inside, not stopping until he feels the tops of Bones' thighs against his ass. Convinced now that the worst is over, Jim mutters, "Wait, just wait," head turned to kiss at Bones shoulder, anything he can reach while his body adjusts. When the burn fades to a dull ache, Jim shifts, finding it feels far better than before.

"Okay," he exhales, catching Bones jaw in his hand to plant a firm kiss to his mouth. "You got it, fuck me, Bones."

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