Timeloop - Spock

[leftwithmybones]

They've been through this goddamn day three times now and each time, neither he nor Spock have been able to get closer to a cure and every single goddamn fucking day he's woken up by his father's bedside and heard the pleas to end his life and he can't take much more of it. Hell, his mind's not even half there as he stares at the scribblings of a formula on the page in front of him.

He shoves his hands over the papers, swiping them off the desk and letting out a sharp curse as he stares at the compounds and chemicals they have. "None of it makes any sense," he says hoarsely, voice nearly shot from the yelling. "Damn it," he hisses.

He can't take another day of waking up to fail. He cannot take another morning of waking up and seeing the despair in his father's eyes and not being able to do anything about it. He's fidgeting relentlessly and desperately, at wit's end, and he can barely think anymore.

Comments

[leftwithmybones]

"No shit," he unleashes with a heavy snap, glowering at Spock as he rests his palms flat on the table in front of him, breathing in and out heavily and trying to remember the goddamn report that came out about the disease. "I can't isolate any of the final strands I need to form the compound," he says, shaking his head. "And twenty-four hours isn't enough time for the goddamn thing to sit! This is a fool's errand."

[and-prosper.livejournal.com]

"If the effort is indeed wasted, logic would suggest considering alternative solutions," Spock relays, although it is hardly a new concept. This is only one more iteration of an idea they have all been suggesting to McCoy since their second time through the loop. "If we are indeed on a fool's errand, continuing on is inherently irrational."

[leftwithmybones]

"Okay, then, what are you suggesting?" he actually feels like he's being patient and calm when he snaps out the words at Spock. Maybe he'll feel bad about it in the morning, but considering that morning just brings them right back around to the same goddamn day, he's not so sure about that.

[and-prosper.livejournal.com]

The answer is as clear as Spock's initial assertion, and for a long moment he simply stares back at the tense form of Leonard McCoy and says nothing at all. Replying is not the trouble, here, but rather the presumable reaction garnered in turn; McCoy has already proved himself thoroughly disconnected from the reality of his present circumstances.

"As has been suggested before, you might consider obeying your father's wishes," he finally allows.

[leftwithmybones]

McCoy tenses up at that. Sure, he's thought about it himself, but those are thoughts coming from his mind. He doesn't see him going around making suggestions about Spock's parents. He bites back those comments, though, and he pinches the bridge of his nose. "Kill my father," he replies. "You can say the words, Spock, I've already done it once. You think I should obey my dad's wishes and kill him."

[and-prosper.livejournal.com]

"Logically, it is an option to be considered," is all Spock will allow. He is certainly well enough aware of the pain of losing a parent, but he is also incapable of understanding how McCoy could disobey his father, even over something so important as this. "As your father is not only himself but the ill party, it follows that he would be more aware of when he is prepared to die than anyone else."

[leftwithmybones]

"Would you do it?" McCoy asks, feeling gravely silent all of a sudden as he stares at him. "If your father came to you, sick and even though you thought to yourself that there was hope, just a glimmer of it, would you acquiesce to those wishes, even if you absolutely didn't agree and you thought that there was a way to cure him, make him better, make him healthy?"

[and-prosper.livejournal.com]

"Yes," Spock says without any hesitation, as if this is the most natural conclusion in the world. While he has not always strictly obeyed his father's wishes, within him there yet remained a strong moral compulsion to defer to the older man's wisdom. On a subject such as this, having so little to do with Spock's own personal welfare, to deny the request would be unthinkable.

[leftwithmybones]

McCoy tenses up at that, feeling like he just got blindsided with an answer he hadn't damn well been expecting or wanting and he breathes out sharply, wanting to demand that it just isn't a goddamn option. "Maybe if I was an emotionless bastard, I could too."