"I know," Jim murmurs, his eyes growing hot. "I want - to remember him, but I don't want to feel sick when I think of him anymore. I want to get back to feeling alive again, instead of some muted, colorless version of myself. I want to matter to somebody."

Jim breathes out. "And I want to kiss you again, to see if the way it felt before was a fluke, and I don't want it to ruin what we are, because I can't deal with losing you."