leftwithmybones: (troubled: by ?)
Dr. Leonard McCoy ([personal profile] leftwithmybones) wrote2014-12-19 05:33 pm

(no subject)

He hasn't seen Jim in days.

Normally, the kid has a tendency to pop out of hidden places and terrify the crap out of McCoy. He's learned that there really isn't a hiding spot that Jim wouldn't think of as a convenient place to shock and surprise him (hell, he's gotten to the point where he checks mailboxes, now). So when Jim isn't excitedly pushing his nose into McCoy's business and it's been days, he's starting to get genuinely concerned. He makes a few stops and checks to see that no one else in town has seen him, which is when he picks up a few meals that only need to be heated and then a few cold and flu supplies, thinking maybe Jim's laid out with some kind of illness -- and for Jim to actually be kicked back, it's probably pretty strong.

When he gets to the country house, though, there's a weird sort of quiet. It's not like someone's sick, it's more like someone's grieving. He uses the key he has to let himself in, taking notice of the slight mess in the house that Spock would've probably twitched at the sight of. Laying the food in the kitchen and the meds on a chair, he tentatively starts to wander around the house.

"Jim?" he calls out cautiously. "You here?" Are you alive? is the one he doesn't ask, trying to shake worst case scenario from his mind, but he can't help that it's his instant, pessimistic thought.
to_boldly: (Dirty and pondering.)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-19 11:20 pm (UTC)(link)
As inevitable as Bones' arrival must be, Jim hasn't thought much about it until it's actually happening. He shifts on the corner of his neatly made bed, his perch of the last few hours, and pushes himself to standing. His joints creak, and Jim stretches carefully, recalibrating. More than a few hours he realizes with a sudden rush of dizziness as his blood surges back to his legs and feet, but his voice is even when he calls, "I'm here."

He walks to the bedroom door, standing in the frame to find Bones looking back. He's not crying, he's not upset. He's perfectly upright and functioning and just what he needs to be, which isn't much of anything at all. "What's up?"
to_boldly: (Squint.)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-19 11:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Jim watches him root through the fridge, dully cataloging the week old vegetables and spoiling milk, but at the question his gaze slides sideways, landing on the bowels of his tricorder as if seeing it for the first time.

"Trying to reprogram it," he says, moving to lift it from the table top. He's already upped the scannable radius by fifty kilometers, but it's not enough, not until Jim can make it search for psychic signatures as well as signs of life. He's just - Jim pauses, rubbing his finger against scratchy eyes - not there yet. Carefully, Jim tucks a dangling circuit back into place. "Does your medical tricorder read psychic energy?"
to_boldly: (Raw.)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-20 12:01 am (UTC)(link)
"That's what I figured." The scent of coffee beans hits the air like a fist, and Jim's stomach gives a sickening roll, forcing him to press a hand to his belly. Still, more caffeine is a good idea - he can't think of anything but the tricorder until it's finished, and sleep won't come. His brain has to recharge one way or another.

He sits at the table, waiting for the coffee to slowly drip its way into existence, and watches Bones. After days alone in the country, it's strange to have another living, bustling body so near, strange but good. Jim smiles faintly at him, and the words come tumbling out. "Can't find Spock."
to_boldly: (Far away.)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-20 12:59 am (UTC)(link)
Jim stares at him, not comprehending. "Does what?" he asks, even if it should be obvious, but he's been so careful, shutting down every line of thought that might bring with it despair or worse, hope, and he can't figure out what Bones must mean. "It's been a few days. I spent a few days in a fucked up Wonderland, once," he offers. "Came back inside the coat closet." He smiles again, an erratic little twitch of his lips. "Scared the hell out of Spock."
to_boldly: (Unsure.)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-20 01:28 am (UTC)(link)
"I couldn't." Jim pulls his cup towards him, holding it between his hands. It's warm in the house, warm near bordering on hot, but the energy bills had been worth it to keep Spock comfortable. Now as the hot porcelain stings at Jim's hands, he wonders if he should turn it down. The thought makes his throat ache and his eyes hot, and he carefully schools his mind towards blankness.

"If he's gone, you're all I've got."
to_boldly: (Unhappy.)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-20 01:58 am (UTC)(link)
It's true, he does. Rukia and Flavia and Bruce and Hermione and Faye, but all he can think of wanting right now is Spock, and he's gone. Jim's never settled well into Darrow, never accepted that he couldn't leave if he just figured out how, but his yearning for home is a fresh wound all over again, raw and angry when he pokes at it.

"I just want to go home," he exhales. "I want my crew, I want my ship." Jim's hands tighten around the cup, palms reddening with the heat. "I want my husband."
to_boldly: (Realization.)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-20 02:43 am (UTC)(link)
Jim looks around his house - built with his and Spock's own hands, not the humming, living walls of a ship but undeniably home, and now despite the both of them sitting here, it feels empty.

He offers Bones a nod anyway, part of him already aware that nothing either of them says or does is going to make this better, and reaches again for the tricorder. "I still have your old one," he says. "From the you before. I fucked with it, but it should have some readings of Spock on there. If you show me how, maybe I can dial in on his mental signature. Then we'll really know."
to_boldly: (Scheming.)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-20 04:26 am (UTC)(link)
"Yeah," says Jim, nodding down at his hands, "But. I don't know how much they taught you about Vulcan pair bonding in Xenobiology, but it's a big deal to them. Spock and I can only do so much, me being mostly psi null and all, but there's a link there." He taps his temple where Spock's finger had all but slotted into place. "It doesn't do much for me unless we're melding, but if he's here - in this reality, at least, the link should still be there."
to_boldly: (Down.)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-20 05:00 am (UTC)(link)
Jim nods and keeps still, dutifully reaching for the small point of light in his head that's been Spock for so long, but it's like tonguing at a healed up wound. He closes his eyes and tries harder. Nearby, he can hear the tricorder at its work. He's no professional, but Jim's spent enough time with the medical scanner to know when it's returning data and when it's not. That there's none to be had now is no surprise, but the tear that slips down Jim's cheek is.

He draws a breath, his face expressionless, even as more tears come. There's nothing. He doesn't need to hear it said aloud to believe it.
to_boldly: (pic#)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-20 05:27 am (UTC)(link)
Jim shudders inside the tight circle of Bones' arms, some distant part of him aware that it feels good, familiar, that it still feels like home when he'd been certain his was lost, but the tears don't stop. He stays upright when Bones pulls away, but he sits when told to, lacking the will to do anything but obey.

"Don't be sorry," he says. Sometime probably not far from now, Jim knows he's going to be blisteringly, futilely angry, but he's not ready to make that jump just yet. Not when he can stay where it's still numb and quiet. "It's not your fault."
to_boldly: (Default)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-21 01:50 am (UTC)(link)
Jim makes a soft sound for that. He hadn't been around in the early days of Bones' divorce, but he'd seen the aftermath. They'd both been broken in different ways when they came together, but whole as they've become, Jim recalls how long it'd taken Bones to scrape himself together.

He doesn't want that, but then, Jim doesn't want any of this. "Is that what I am now?" he asks. He's not divorced, but how can he be married to someone that's not here? Spock lies across a divide now that's as wide as death, however whole he might be on the other side. "A widower?"
to_boldly: (Unsure.)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-21 02:07 am (UTC)(link)
"We're not separated," says Jim with a shake of his head. "Spock didn't leave me, he wouldn't do that. He was taken." Horrible as it is, widower feels most right - Jim's lost someone before their time, to call it anything else would be a disservice to what they'd pledged to one another.

He sighs, only managing to get as far as taking the spoon in hand before his stomach gives another turn, and Jim goes green. It's been days since he ate, and now the smell of even soup seems too rich. "Bones," Jim gasps, miserable. "Maybe a hypo first?"
to_boldly: (Scruffy.)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-21 02:35 am (UTC)(link)
It's a sign of how low he is that Jim welcomes the sting, sighing in relief as the nausea recedes almost at once. "Thank you," he says, gripping his spoon again and managing a bite this time. With the appetite aids it even tastes good, and he takes another.

"You thought I was sick," he realizes, looking down at his soup. "Sorry, I should've commed."
to_boldly: (Brothers in arms.)

[personal profile] to_boldly 2014-12-21 02:47 am (UTC)(link)
"I got the blowing myself up out of my system before you got here," says Jim, but Bones knows him well. When the numbness recedes, the need to control the situation will rush in to fill it, and the only way Jim gets Spock back is if he finds a way out of this damn dimension.

And that kind of power won't be easily won.

"Who'd you lose?" he asks, because he knows Bones hasn't only been talking about Jocelyn. "On your island."